Society puts depression/mental health issues into two categories which are both extreme from one another:
1. the crazy category which makes mental health seem like a scary topic and every person suffering from a mental health issue is a sociopath.
2. the not a big deal category which makes mental health seem like a topic that’s not relevant and every person suffering from a mental health issue is just sad and/or a little insecure.
I’m here to tell you it is a big deal and more awareness needs to be brought to the subject before it turns into a scary topic such as suicide or addiction.
A lot of people who have never suffered from depression or anxiety question what it is like or make assumptions.
One common assumption is that people with depression shut everyone out. All they want to do is be by themselves and lay in bed for days on end. While this is true because I have experienced it, it is not always the case.
People with depression also go out and do things. They try to “just be happy.” They usually do this while having high anxiety. So while they are out trying to “just be happy” feelings of worry and nervousness consume them. Are they looking at me? Do they know I really don’t want to be here? Does smile look real? Are they talking about me? I have also experienced this. These nights usually end up with a bunch of alcohol to distract yourself from these thoughts which usually ends up with another problem.
Another common assumption is that you can always visually tell if someone is depressed. If they are that sad they should be wearing their heart on their sleeve and show it, right? While this can be true, it is usually not the case.
People with depression, especially me, like to paint a pretty picture for the world to see. A picture perfect life. Meanwhile, their life is anything but that. It’s empty, dark, and fearful. However, they put on a fake smile to prove otherwise to the world. They do what they’re suppose to and “just be happy.” This is essentially just a band-aid on something that requires surgery. This is a temporary fix. Can you imagine the outcome of just putting a band-aid on something for years that really required surgery? The outcome is a bigger problem.
All assumptions aside, let’s talk about what it’s like living with depression and anxiety on a day to day basis. Let’s talk about how it’s not that simple to “just be happy.”
I question everything I do. I feel inadequate. I feel uncomfortable. I despise how I look 75% of the time. I have a difficult time keeping a conversation going due to the things mentioned. I feel lonely. I feel confused. I question my own worth.
I want nothing else but to be happy, but how does one easily do that when having these feelings?
It’s not overthinking, it’s not insecurity. It’s a constant war going inside of your head that cannot be stopped.
Society has labeled people like me as lazy, dramatic, and weak.
Society needs a slap of reality to the face
We don’t live in a fairy tale world of rainbows, sunshine, and happy endings. We live in a real and raw world that is not perfect. We live in a world where mental health should not be a forbidden subject.
…but until then all I have is hope.
I hope one day this stigma changes. I hope one day it’s easy for me to “just be happy”. I hope one day people know they are not alone. I hope one day I have enough confidence to share this blog post.
I hope one day to get better ♥
August 22, 2017.